Going through life is not always easy. Your mindset is going to be determinant for many aspects of your life. You may curate several of its features and not realize you are conducting your life with a broken-dream mindset. That’s the mindset that gets you stuck just outside your discomfort zone, giving you a false sense of proficiency. This post goes through three important signs that you may be living with a broken-dream mindset.
The Broken-Dream Mindset
I define the broken-dream mindset as the one that lets you live just outside your discomfort zone. When enduring hardship or experiencing trauma, it is normal to observe the situation and try to get out of there. When going through the acute phase of suffering, your biggest desire is to just have it stop. That’s valid, that’s normal and that’s a good thing.
However, the satisfaction and sense of safety deriving by your successful escape of the situation may hinder your progress towards something else, if not properly directed. During the negative experience you learned what you don’t want, and what not to do, so to avoid similar situations.
While extremely valuable, that set of new tools alone isn’t going to take you to your next dream destination. It’s going to possibly protect you, but it’s not pushing you towards full realization.
It’s important to understand where you want to go next. You have to figure out how to substitute what you had planned – the dream that broke – so to start your journey towards that. Otherwise, you will keep living in a limbo just outside of the shattered plan, and you may stay there for years.
Sing 1: You Are Fueled by Relief
Being fueled by relief is very natural after enduring a particularly hard situation. Getting out of something bad is not always easy, and when you finally do it you deserve to enjoy that feeling for a while.
This can become a trap, though, when you develop a mindset shaped around the sort of idea that sounds like “but at least I am no longer…”. That type of mentality – which is the same one as in “some people have it worse” – can actively stop you from reaching for more, hence from working to get more.
I use the term working losely because, even though social media is a constant promotion of burnout, not everything needs a lot of effort. Shaping, in your mind, the reality that you would want for yourself only needs a little time and knowledge of yourself.
When you find yourself experiencing those types of thoughts pay attention. Look closely to see if that is stopping you from even starting to dream differently. If so, it’s time to change that mindset.
If you feel guilty about wanting more, because you feel already fortunate, remember that you can be grateful and still try to place yourself in a better situation. There is nothing worng with wanting to be fulfilled and happy. That is one of the goals – if not the main goal – in life.
Sing 2: You have a Hard Time Defining What you Want
This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point, but it goes a bit further. Maybe you did try to envision something else for yourself, but you haven’t figured it out yet. More specifically, it’s possible that you cannot choose among many options and just think that everything could make you happy.
Jumping from an idea to the next may be a desperate attempt of still escaping whatever it is that hurt you. That way of thinking may still be the result of “as long as it’s not that”. The broken-dream mindset may be playing in full force, and you should pay attention.
It’s important to try and define how you want your life to be shaped. It’s important to play a substitution game. If you know what you don’t want, then try framing it as “I do not want this in my relationship, but I certainly want that”, for example. That’s a powerful thought process to introduce and use for anything that can be of value in your life. It will help you go from just out of discomfort to comfort.
Sign 3: You are Scared All the Time
Living in fear is exhausting. That constant fearful state of mind, which can easily be the result of trauma, takes up a lot of your energy. Because of that, you are focusing on what to avoid to protect yourself and your way of living. While self-protection is important, you may end up not focusing on actually living your days but only on surviving them.
Fear can leave you stuck. It’s powerful and can be very destructive. It may require you to work on the root cause and eliminate that, so to live a happier life. In the meantime, though, you can still try to reframe your way of thinking about your goals and ambitions.
If you find yourself scared at the thought of a different future for yourself, try calming yourself down with affirmations that describe how safe you are, even though you dare to dream. Try not attaching too much to the new idea if that scares you, but still shape an idea of what you want, so that you know what to work towards. If you struggle with obsessive thinking, you may want to take a look at this post.
It’s hard to plan your next step if you don’t know where to go.
Summing Up
You may realize that you have been living a life of avoidance instead of fulfillment. After enduring hurt and trauma, you may have developed a mindset that lets you live just outside of your discomfort. The idea that your current state is better than whatever it is that hurt you, may work against your ambitions if you let it.
It’s important to notice the signs that may indicate you have developed a broken-dream mindset. Once you realize that’s what you are doing, put in some effort to actually give shape to your next dream, which should be not only defined by what you do not want, but by what you actually want to invite in your life.
All Images: © Great This Time
